During my conversation with Bryan Falchuk, we talked about some of the versions of himself he'd left behind.

There was a time when he drank more.

Went out with friends.

Lived differently than he does today.

And he can talk about that guy without pretending the guy was a moron.

I think there's something healthy about that.

Because we have a strange habit of turning our past selves into villains once we decide to change.

I was an idiot back then.

I wasted so much time.

I can't believe I used to care about that.

What was I thinking?

…maybe.

But I wonder how much of that is genuine regret and how much is simply the need to justify who we've become.

After all, it's easier to tell a story about personal growth when the person you used to be was an idiot.

The old you was irresponsible.

The new you is disciplined.

The old you was selfish.

The new you understands what matters.

The old you wasted time.

The new you lives with purpose.

It's a nice, clean story.

I'm just not sure life is usually that cut and dry.

Think about who you were at 25.

You probably had different priorities.

Different responsibilities.

Different experiences.

You hadn't learned some of the things you know now.

And you certainly didn't know how everything was going to turn out.

Maybe you spent too much money going out with friends. Maybe you stayed up too late, cared too much about what other people thought, or spent entire weekends doing things you wouldn't dream of doing today.

But here's another possibility.

Maybe you were having a pretty good time.

Maybe those late nights with friends became some of your favorite memories.

Maybe that time you took your buddy up on a bet, shaved your head at a party over Thanksgiving break, and had to sleep in a knit cap for two months is still one of your favorite stories.

Maybe some of the things you now consider a waste of time were exactly what you needed at that point in your life.

And maybe the person you were back then wasn't nearly as misguided as you like to imagine.

He was just… younger.

That doesn't mean he got everything right. He probably made some decisions that cost him time, money, opportunities, or even relationships.

Some of those decisions might still bother you.

But making mistakes and being a mistake aren't the same thing.

I think we sometimes confuse changing our minds about a few things with having been wrong about everything.

You can stop drinking without deciding every night you spent at a bar was wasted.

You can become more serious about your health without treating every cheeseburger you ate in your twenties as a moral failure.

You can become a devoted husband and father without pretending you didn't enjoy being single.

And you can discover new priorities without dismissing the things that mattered to you before.

Sometimes growth is about correcting a mistake.

Sometimes it's about recognizing that something which once served you no longer does.

And sometimes it's simply about entering a different season of life.

Those aren't all the same thing.

And I can't help but think there's a certain amount of performance involved in how we talk about our past.

When we make a big change, we sometimes feel obligated to make a big declaration about the life we're leaving behind.

We don't just eat differently. Everything we used to eat was terrible.

We don't just change careers. Our old job was a complete waste of our talents.

We don't just develop new interests. We can't imagine why we ever cared about the old ones.

As though admitting we enjoyed something we've moved beyond somehow undermines the decision to move on.

But it doesn't.

You don't need to exaggerate how bad yesterday was to make today look better.

Here's something else worth considering.

The person you are today didn't appear out of thin air.

That younger version of you helped build him.

He made some mistakes, sure.

But he also took chances. Made friends. Learned lessons. Had experiences. Figured a few things out.

He made decisions, good and bad, that you're still benefiting from today.

You don't have to romanticize him.

You don't have to defend everything he did.

You don't even have to particularly like every version of yourself.

But you can look back at who you were at 25 and think:

I liked that guy.

I'm grateful for some of the things he did.

He made some mistakes.

He had some growing up to do.

And I'm glad I'm not him anymore.

That's not a contradiction.

Growth doesn't require becoming ashamed of every previous version of yourself.

In fact, someday you'll probably look back at the person you are right now and see plenty you would do differently.

Hopefully you'll give him a little grace too.

Until next time—
keep the fires burning.
– Clay

New here? Start with this post → Super Bowl Champion Chad Hennings on Identity, Purpose, and the Things That Actually Last

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