Last year, I wrote an article titled “Is Every Definition of a ‘Real Man’ Just a Self-Portrait?” And the longer I watch the “men’s work” space online, the more convinced I am that what I wrote was right on the money:

Most definitions of a “real man” really are just self-portraits—usually drawn by some self-important dude lecturing you about how if you were as strong, disciplined, secure, rich, outgoing, alpha, high-achieving, Type A, beast-mode as he is, your life would be so much better.

Every day, there’s a new clip of some guy—usually bearded, usually intense, usually framed by a ring light—laying down the “essential” rules for manhood. And without fail, the list ends up sounding like a slightly dramatized version of his own lifestyle.

Which is exactly why, in that original piece, I said I’m not in the business of handing out checklists for manhood. Because manhood isn’t an aesthetic. It isn’t a hobby list. It’s not a curated identity.

It’s responsibility. It’s presence. It’s showing up—especially when you don’t want to, especially when someone’s counting on you.

And here’s the thing: you can’t film reliability. You can’t post consistency. The best parts of being a man don’t trend—but they matter.

Your spouse doesn’t need an “alpha, Type A, high-aciever.” Your kids don’t need a performance. Your friends don’t need a lecture.

They just need you—steady, dependable, present.

Let the influencers build their self-portraits. You just keep building a life that actually matters.

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If you don’t choose what matters most, your time, energy, and attention will quietly get spent on what matters to everyone else.

I’d never even heard of this show until I caught a trailer on a Saturday—and somehow I’d watched the entire thing in under a week. Smart, tense, and more psychological than explosive, it’s the kind of thriller that pulls you in quietly and doesn’t let go.

→ Check out the trailer

Until next time—
🔥Keep the fires burning,
— Clay

P.S. I’d rather grow Campfire Gentleman through real connections than algorithms.
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