During my interview with Larry Hagner, we talked about how, when he became a father, he didn't have much of a playbook for what a good dad looked like.

But he had a very detailed one for what a bad dad looked like.

He knew what he wouldn't do.

He wouldn't repeat the things he'd experienced growing up.

And for a while, he thought that might be enough.

Then he compared it to learning to smoke a brisket.

No barbecue book gives you 100 ways not to smoke a brisket and then sends you outside to figure out the rest.

Don't cook it too hot.

Don't take it off too early.

Don't use the wrong wood.

All useful information.

But at some point, you still need to know how to actually smoke the brisket.

I think we make this mistake in more places than fatherhood.

I don't want to become a workaholic.

I don't want my marriage to become distant.

I don't want my kids to remember me staring at my phone.

I don't want to be unhealthy.

I don't want to spend my life chasing things that don't matter.

Knowing what you don't want is a good place to start.

In fact, sometimes it's the easiest way to begin figuring out what you do want.

If I don't want to become a workaholic, what kind of relationship with work do I want?

If I don't want a distant marriage, what does staying close actually require from me?

If I don't want my kids to remember me on my phone, how do I want them to remember me instead?

That's where I don't want starts becoming I will.

I'll protect time with my family.

I'll keep pursuing my wife.

I'll put my phone away when my kids are talking.

I'll take care of my body.

I'll decide what matters and give more of my life to it.

Knowing where you don't want to go can keep you from taking a wrong turn.

That's valuable.

But eventually, you still have to choose a destination.

You can't build a life entirely out of things you're trying not to become.

Lasting change begins with the courage to be honest with yourself instead of comfortable.

My family has gotten into watching NileRed together on YouTube.

His videos usually start with some ridiculous-sounding chemistry challenge and then spend an hour showing you that, somehow, it’s actually possible—well, if you can actually understand what he’s talking about.

The last one we watched together earlier this week was “Turning Air Into Alcohol,” which is exactly what it sounds like.

But there’s something super interesting about watching an extremely patient Canadian spend an unreasonable amount of time figuring out how to do something nobody asked him to do.

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Until next time—
🔥Keep the fires burning,
— Clay

P.S. I’d rather grow Campfire Gentleman through real connections than algorithms.
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