When I was in my early 30s, I worked a corporate marketing job.

We had a new hire fresh out of college who ended up in our department because we had one of the few empty offices.

Every once in a while, his boss would come downstairs to check in on him.

One day, I overheard a conversation.

She said, “Make sure you wear an undershirt tomorrow.”

He said, “I am.”

She paused and said, “Then why can’t I see it? You’re supposed to be able to see your undershirt.”

What she meant was this:

When you wear a dress shirt over an undershirt, there’s sometimes a slight difference in color where the undershirt sleeve ends and your skin begins. She believed you should be able to see that faint difference through the dress shirt.

That, in her mind, was the business standard.

The only problem?
That wasn’t actually a standard.

It was just her experience.

Her husband had always bought cheaper dress shirts—the kind that made that contrast more visible. So somewhere along the way, she turned that observation into a rule.

And then she passed it down as “the right way.”

She wasn’t trying to mislead him.

She wasn’t being difficult.

She genuinely believed she was helping.

And that’s what stuck with me.

Because most bad advice doesn’t come from bad intentions.

It comes from unexamined experience.

We see something.
We repeat it long enough.
Eventually, we assume it’s true.

And over time, it becomes “just how things are done.”

It happens everywhere.

“First one in, last one out.”
“Climb the ladder.”
“Stay busy.”
“Don’t rock the boat.”
“Grind.”
“Be grateful you have a job.”
“Do what you love and the money will follow.”
“Your work should be your passion.”
“Always say yes to opportunities.”
“Protect your boundaries.”
“Everyone is replaceable.”
“Dress for the job you want.”
“Fake it till you make it.”

“This is what a good husband does.”
“This is how relationships work.”
“Happy wife, happy life.”
“Never go to bed angry.”
“The husband should lead.”
“Marriage should be 50/50.”
“That’s the man’s job.”
“My parents did it this way.”
“If you really love each other, it shouldn’t feel hard.”
“Real romance should be spontaneous.”
“Date nights need to be scheduled.”
“People grow apart if they don’t change.”

“Your kids need structure.”
“Let kids be kids.”
“Never let them quit.”
“Don’t force them into things.”
“Protect their childhood.”
“Prepare them for the real world.”
“Be present more.”
“Work harder for their future.”

In money, health, time, success—everything.

Someone had an experience…
turned it into a rule…
and now it’s floating around as wisdom.

And the longer it lives, the more authority it carries.

No one questions it.

Because it sounds right.

Because it’s been repeated.

Because it feels like something you’re supposed to follow.

The problem is… a lot of those rules were never actually true.

Or at least, they were never true for you.

Most men don’t consciously choose their standards.

They inherit them.

From parents.
From bosses.
From culture.
From social media.
From people who meant well.

And then they spend years trying to live up to something they never stopped to question.

That’s where things start to feel off.

Not broken.

Just… misaligned.

You’re doing the right things.
But they don’t feel right.

You’re checking the boxes.
But something’s missing.

And it’s usually not because you’re doing it wrong.

It’s because you’re following a set of rules that were never yours to begin with.

Not all advice is bad.

In fact, most advice is good…for somebody.

But not all advice is yours.

And if you never stop to examine it…

you can end up building your life around someone else’s experience.

So it’s worth asking:

Where did your definition of success come from?

What does a “good husband” actually mean to you?

What about a good dad, friends, employee, or even a good human?

What are you doing right now… just because you think you’re supposed to?

Because sometimes the “right way”
is just something someone never thought to question.

And you don’t have to keep living by it.

Until next time—
keep the fires burning.
– Clay

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