There’s a lot of language floating around the internet about self-validation.

You are enough.
You don’t need anyone else’s approval.
Other people’s opinions shouldn’t matter.

On the surface, it sounds healthy. Encouraging, even.

Taken literally, though, it describes a version of humanity that doesn’t actually exist.

Human beings aren’t wired for isolation.

We form our sense of self through feedback—through being seen, affirmed, corrected, and recognized by others. That’s been true for as long as humans have existed.

Wanting validation isn’t weakness.
It isn’t insecurity.
It’s normal.

The idea that a person could—or should—fully validate themselves without any external affirmation isn’t emotional maturity. It’s a theoretical ideal that ignores how people actually function.

A person completely indifferent to all external feedback isn’t enlightened.

They’re disconnected.

For most of human history, validation came from a very small circle.

Parents.
A spouse.
A few close friends.
Maybe a local community.

It was personal. Relational. Finite.

You didn’t need hundreds of people to tell you that you mattered. You needed a handful of people whose opinions carried weight because they actually knew you.

And that was enough.

Social media didn’t create the desire for validation. It widened the aperture.

Instead of seeking affirmation from a small group of people who know us, we now have access to affirmation from everyone.

But validation from strangers can’t be personal.
So it becomes numerical.

Likes.
Views.
Followers.
Subscribers.

What used to be relational becomes statistical.
And statistics are a terrible substitute for connection.

Some men will read this and immediately think, That’s not me.

“I don’t post on social media.”
“I’m not chasing likes.”
“I’m not thirsting for attention.”

I get it. I’d think the same thing.

But this stuff is more insidious than that.

You don’t have to post to be shaped by it.

You absorb it quietly—what gets rewarded, what gets praised, what gets attention. And without realizing it, you start measuring yourself against those signals. You don’t ask for validation directly; you try to self-validate by doing the things that seem to earn it for others.

Working longer.
Staying busier.
Looking more put-together.
Appearing more successful.
Staying impressive instead of present.

No likes required.

The algorithm still does its work—just internally.

And over time, you’re not chasing approval from people online; you’re chasing the standards they’ve normalized. That’s still external validation—it’s just quieter, lonelier, and harder to notice.

The reason social media validation never fills the hole is simple: it has no ceiling.

There can always be:

The loop never closes.

You can’t fill a relational need with a number.

There is a realistic version of self-validation.

It isn’t about needing no affirmation from anyone.
It’s about not collapsing when affirmation isn’t immediately available.

Self-validation helps quiet the noise.
It helps you stay grounded when feedback is distorted or delayed.

But it was never meant to replace real human affirmation.

It’s a stabilizer—not a substitute.

You don’t need no validation.

You need the right amount, from the right people.

And usually, the fewer people whose approval you need, the healthier your life becomes—not because you’ve outgrown validation, but because you’ve rooted it where it actually works.

I hope you liked this article.

And if you didn’t—well—I don’t need your validation anyway.

…or do I?

Until next time—
keep the fires burning.
– Clay

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