Transcript 0:06 Jeff, I appreciate you doing this. I've been following your work for a little while now, actually, and, uh, just kind of been circling around it. 0:13 But I saw you on a podcast the other day, and I was like, "I really need to talk to this guy." But I realized, actually, that until that podcast, I didn't really know much about your backstory. Okay. 0:24 And so, uh, can you kind of go into that? Yeah. Would, would, would love to. And, and thanks for having me, Clay. I, I, I do appreciate it. 0:31 So I wear a, uh, pink wristband on my, my right forearm, and I like to say that that's kind of where my, my journey starts. 0:39 Um, spark number one, uh, unfortunately, I lost my mom to breast cancer a little over 11 years ago. Uh, I like to say the fragility of life two-by-four smacked me upside the head. 0:51 You know, when the, the woman that brought you into this world takes her last breath in front of you, 0:56 uh, man, it, it just crystallizes how important life is and how we get one trip, and what, what are we gonna do in that gift that, that we've been given? 1:05 So, uh, I really started to do some deep thinking, like, what impact am I having? What, what kind of dent do I wanna make in the universe? 1:11 And I, I still, Clay, remember the last deep conversation I had, had with my late mother. She was about ready to go on hospice care. I was taking her to a radiation treatment, so we kinda knew we were 1:23 making that last turn, right? Uh, the, the end was coming. And I asked her how she was doing, and she, she told me she was scared she'd be forgotten. And that was something that, 1:34 Clay, I didn't know in the moment, but I definitely connecting the dots looking back. I, I told her, "Hey," her positivity and her hope's gonna live through me. I'm gonna pass it down to her two grandsons, my two boys. 1:47 And I think subconsciously, there was a baton pass between her and me that I don't wanna get to my end of days 1:54 and think I'm gonna be forgotten, that I haven't made a significant impact to, you know, my family legacy, my boys, my grandkids, society in general. So that, that was kind of spark one. 2:06 A couple years later, I ended up being forced out of corporate America, opened up my own gym. Did that for about three and a half years. 2:13 Did it during COVID, which was an interesting time to be a gym owner, let's put it that way. 2:17 Um, and then really got into mental toughness, mindset, peak performance, because I was still doing the things, Clay, that I was doing in my late teens, 20s and 30s, whether it was alcohol, porn, gambling, social media. 2:29 I call them Kryptonite dusts. They don't kill us in the moment, but they definitely weaken our strength as a husband, as a dad, as a leader, and as a man. And I still remember in my gym days, I always told my wife I-- 2:43 if I party, I'm not gonna let it impact me waking up with my boys in the morning and going to work, and it... I played cards, drinking with the buddies in the neighborhood till 2:00 a.m. on a Friday night. 2:53 Woke up, went to kiss her before an 8:00 a.m. fitness class, and she said, "Can I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure." She said, "How are you gonna go teach about health and wellness and you reek of alcohol?" 3:03 And I was like, mirror moment, truth bomb thrown my way, and I, I needed to hear it. So I started to, you know, uncover things, like, is this truly the path I wanna take? And, and, uh, so, so that was another spark. 3:16 And then really spark three, I had shut down the gym, moved into to, you know, mental toughness, peak performance coaching, and I was searching for who, who can I help and guide? 3:25 I'd figured out some systems, playing with consistent energy. I gave up alcohol. And, uh, I've got a buddy who runs ultramarathons. He had a training partner, dad of three, going through a challenging time. 3:36 He said, "You know what? You should connect with Jeff. He's got some positivity. He's got energy. He's got fire. He's got some things figured out." And we didn't press the issue, 3:45 and unfortunately, the dad ended up taking his own life, committing suicide. And, and that was spark really number three, where I still remember, Clay, standing there in my office telling my wife, "His dads." 3:55 And she's like, "Holy crap. You love being a dad more than anything. That's your lane." 3:59 And that's when I founded The Warrior Dad a little over three years ago, and now got a big, hairy, audacious goal, a million dads by January 1st, 2053. 4:08 And I just eat, sleep, and breathe, how do I get a little better today than I was yesterday? How do I share that wisdom with my wife and two sons who are 17 and 15, juniors and sophomores in high school? 4:18 And then how do I share it to the dads that, that choose to, to step off the common path and, and be uncommon and, and wanna change their family tree forever? So that's a little, little quick arc and backstory. 4:29 It was a little bit longer probably than it, than you wanted, but, uh, wanted to give you that, that full context. Oh, no, that's good, and that leaves a lot to talk about, so I appreciate that. 4:38 Um, circling back around, uh, to your mom, do, do you think that that inspired you to... so that she would be remembered, or did it waken sort of a, that same fear in you, and that's kinda what pushed you? 4:52 I mean, probably both, right? I think I definitely keep her in mind, and I, I was watching something the other day. There's a new documentary on, uh, the, the boys of the '80 hockey team. 5:06 It's called Miracle: The Boys of '80. And, uh, Jim Craig, the goalie of that team, had just lost his mother right around the, the time that they were playing. 5:15 And he said something pretty profound that I hadn't heard before, and he says, "When somebody passes, the great thing about it is they pass their power to somebody else." And I said, I got goosebumps. 5:26 I'm like, "Holy crap, my mom passed her power to me." And, uh, so I, I definitely use that. I would also say yes to your point. 5:34 I don't-- I tell, I've told a story on podcasts before of, like, hell on earth, where you're on your deathbed. Somebody walks in the room, and you're like, "Who the heck is this person that just walked into the room?" 5:47 You c- you're going through the mental Rolodex. You're trying to place who. Did I meet him somewhere? Who? 5:52 And he walks over to the side of the bed and he whispers, y- you know, he bends down, whispers into your ear, and he says, "I'm who you should have been." And that's the potential we all have inside. 6:02 So yes, I would say both honoring her, wanna keep her legacy alive, but also I wanna empty out the tank in life and make sure that when that guy walks in the room, I'm like, "What's up, brother?" 6:15 He's like, "Hey, you did it," right? So those are, those are probably both... uh, great question, but both of them. Did you have... Like, a lot of times people think, for instance, you said emptying out the tank. 6:25 A lot of people don't realize that they aren't doing that, kind of, until they have some moment like that. 6:30 So did-- I guess my question is, did you think that you were living, like, the right way before that, or was it obvious and you just hadn't faced it yet? 6:40 I f- I don't think I was looking in the mirror and asking myself those difficult questions, and I think society, media, 6:50 overall just programs you kind of in this lane, and I was just going with that common herd that, that... 6:57 But I will tell you, I, I, I consistently had an itch on the back of my ma- neck that I could do more, be more, have more. It was a voice that called out to me. 7:07 I numbed it with all those vices, tried to run from it, and it wasn't until I answered that call did I finally understand that I wasn't emptying the tank on a, on a daily basis. 7:21 That I was playing, you know, half in, half out, and it was no wonder why I was getting half-ass results in my life e-everywhere. Um, so it, it really caused me to, to reflect and be honest with myself. 7:37 And I, I think until we're honest with ourselves, you don't have a foundation or a footing to kinda leap off of. 7:44 You're, you're kind of in quick, quicksand and, and you're just trying to keep your head above, you know, the, the sand or, or treading water in life. 7:51 So having those honest conversations of like, truly am I emptying the tank and, and doing that on a daily basis? 7:58 I think her passing caused me to have those, uh, those mirror moments and those truthful conversations and come back, and the answer wasn't very good, right? 8:09 [chuckles] It was, it was a humbling moment, and especially when my wife called out the, the alcohol, and just thinking about the example I'm setting for my two boys. 8:21 It was, it was a difficult pill to swallow, but it was one that I, I needed to, and, uh, looking back, I'm so glad that I, I did. Right. 8:28 I think there's enough, like, noise and enough programming as you grow up that, uh, it ma- There's a lot of excuses, like you said, to ignore that itch on the back of your neck. And, uh, and I think it's increasingly... 8:43 Like, used to, it was a lot easier to see a guy that's not living up to his potential, but now there's so many avenues to fake it- Mm-hmm... that I think it's, it's harder to, 8:53 to see in yourself that moment like you're talking about. Yeah, hu- 100%. And it's... The easy path is being mediocre, average, and just kinda getting by and going, going through life. 9:06 And at some point, unfortunately, I would say the majority of, of people and men, dads, husbands, leaders, they, they, they give up. And they're just like, "This is just the way life is," where it, it's not. 9:20 You can change, and you're either getting better or you're getting worse. There is no staying the same. And, and if you take the lens of, like, more is caught than taught in parenting, 9:30 what are, what are your kids watching if you're just punting and complaining about work and just not growing at all? That, that's gonna be their life that they repeat 'cause they saw you doing it. Yes. 9:44 And so, uh, one thing I want to talk about, I caught, on that, that podcast I was referring to that I heard you on and was, uh, really wanted to get you on, you talked about, uh, some things that really derail men, 9:57 and, uh, you talked about ego, and you talked about vice. Mm-hmm. And I felt like those, I mean, those are pretty self-explanatory, but I really liked you talking about, uh, commonly held beliefs. 10:08 So can you talk a little bit about that and how that really can derail men in reaching their potential? Yeah. 10:16 It's, it's, it's kind of those things that you heard growing up from your parents or from friends, and it just got into your subconscious mind as like, "This is just the way it is." 10:27 And, and a couple of those that I love to point out is, like, you can't have it all. Well, who, who, who said you can't have it all, right? I mean, somebody that doesn't have it all and kinda gave up is... 10:39 ran with that narrative, and then other people picked it up because they didn't want to put in the hard work. They didn't wanna uncover what might be stopping them. They won't- didn't wanna fulfill their potential. 10:47 So that, that's one. I say BS to that. You can, but you gotta be focused. You gotta be energetic. You gotta empty out the bucket on a daily basis. You gotta surround yourself with positive, energetic, driven people. 11:00 So that, that's one. Another one is, just wait till your kids are teenagers. I mean, I heard that when my boys were young all the time. "Oh, just wait till they're teenagers. 11:08 They won't wanna have anything to do with you." Again, BS. My boys still ask me to do things at 17 and 15. I mean, we, we are close, hug each other, say we love each other. 11:21 When they're leaving or I'm leaving the house, we all find each other and do that. So you can change that false narrative by, by being the best version of yourself, and it's easy 11:33 to go the route of, "Well, that's just the way it is," 'cause everybody says it. And there is a common herd, Clay, of people, the majority of people, that are just walking through life as walking zombies. 11:47 They're just going through the motions, and unfortunately they're gonna get to their deathbed and they're gonna feel like they didn't... They're gonna, they're gonna be filled with regret. 11:55 I mean, that's the number one thing people share on their deathbed is regret. "I didn't do this. I didn't do that. I didn't take the shot. I didn't take the chance." So, uh, 12:04 I, I like to question everything and, and I, one of my statements that I make to my boys and, and to the dads that I coach is, the more I know, the le- less I know. 12:14 I'm humble enough to know that I don't, I don't know it all, and I'm, I'm never gonna be a perfect person, but I'm gonna continue to stay on my toes and attack. So, you know, not, not 12:24 able to ha- you can't have it all, or wait till your kids are teenagers, or like, "Hey, I, I, I'm getting old, so I need to slow down." Complete- I'm, I, I just turned 50 in last, last April. 12:35 I mean, I'm in the best shape of my life. Why? 'Cause I work hard at it. I do it daily. I eat right, I sleep right, and, and I'm on the attack. I'm on my toes attacking life versus playing defense. 12:47 So was there a commonly held belief that you had that was holding you back before the- [laughs]... the Warrior Dad took off and...? The... Yeah, there, there was, and ironically, it was from my mother. 12:58 Um, so I am the oldest of three. I got a younger brother, three years younger, a younger sister, six years younger. 13:05 And when my sister was born, I was six, my brother was three, and my parents went from man-to-man defense to zone defense with, with three. And my mom always wanted a baby girl. 13:18 So when she was born, a lot of the attention went to her. My brother and I needed to show my mom what we were doing to get attention. 13:25 My belief was I wasn't worthy of her love, so I had self-worth issues all through my teens, my 20s, 30s, until, you know, I hired a coach in, in my early 40s to un- unpack it. 13:37 Well, and, and my brother and I kind of connected the dots as well, because I used to tell my wife when I did the dishes when we were first married, "Hey, I did the dishes." And she'd be like, "What? 13:45 Do you want a cookie?" And then I, I told my brother the same thing, and he goes, "Holy crap, Jeff. I say the same thing to my wife." 13:51 And we connected the dots that we used to show my mom what we did to get her attention. And my six-year-old brain said, "Well, she doesn't love me. I'm not worthy of my mom's love." So, um, that was that 14:04 hidden behind-the-scenes brake on the race car of life that I was trying to slam the, the gas pedal down, and 14:12 one of the greatest things was transforming that harsh inner critic of self-worth issues to becoming that biggest cheerleader and feeding the positive wolf. 14:20 And I've got this, and, and there's only gonna be one me that ever walks this earth, so why not step forward? Why not be that best version of myself? So, uh... And, and that's a common one. And, and typically, Clay, 14:33 kids form those one or two, maybe max, limiting beliefs from four to seven years old. So something happens in their life, 14:42 they interpret it with a four to seven-year-old brain, and then it becomes that brake that, that, that plays behind the scenes. 14:49 So, uh, it's very important to uncover that and then, then do some deep work to let go of that brake that, that's just holding you back and, and be able to go fast and slam that, that gas pedal down on life. 15:01 Were you this positive bef- when you were in the corporate world and when you owned a gym and all that? 15:06 Um, I started when I was owning the gym, but here's, uh, [laughs] here's a funny story that everybody just laughs at. Senior year, uh, graduating high school. 15:16 Back then, I don't know if they do it now, but you had senior super- superlatives, right? Everybody gets different things. I... On the male side, I was voted biggest complainer. And then I went to college. 15:27 I had a couple fraternity brothers who, who got into my programs a couple years ago, and, uh, one of them said, "You know, I mean, in college, Jeff was kind of a Debbie Downer." So I definitely wasn't. 15:37 I f- I, I really think the catalyst was my mom passing, transforming her pain into purpose, knowing that every day we get standing up upright is a, is, is truly a gift, and you should be grateful for that gift. 15:54 And, and that feeds my positivity, and it's, it's easy to be negative, but I will tell you, life is so much better when you're playing with a smile. You're playing with positive energy. 16:03 You're giving it to folks, and, and it's, it just, it lights you up, and you can have such a profound impact on others when you become that beacon of hope, positivity, that attitude that's infectious. 16:17 I mean, people wanna be around those type of people. And, and you can change one person's life through a, a, an interaction or a conversation. So, uh, no, I have not always been this positive person. 16:29 Um, but definitely, uh, you know, now that... That's the old version of me, old Jeff, that my wife and I like to talk about. New Jeff, yeah, he's a positive, energetic force. Now, that doesn't mean that there... 16:40 I don't have days where something happens, and I get knocked off kilter. 16:45 And I, I like to coach, coach the dads and, and tell my boys that out of a month, Clay, you're gonna have three or four days you're just not at your best. We're not cyborg robots. We're not computer programs. 16:57 So when you have one of those three or four days you're not at your best, hey, maybe you're at 30% or 40%, at least play 100% of that 30 or 100% of that 40%. 17:07 And then what I like to say is when you have a dip day like that, the next day bounce off the dip. Don't stay in the dip. Use it as a catalyst to say, "All right. I'm going back even harder tomorrow." 17:17 And then you continue that, that spiral of growth up. That's, that's... I hadn't heard you tell that story about the, uh, uh, Debbie Downer, you know, com- biggest complainer story. I hadn't heard that. I liked it. Yeah. 17:29 Pre- people are pretty surprised when they, uh, [laughs] when, when they hear that. Yeah. So I've got a friend that's really positive, but he was positive when he was, you know, 15 years old. 17:38 So I mean, he was a lifelong positive person, so... And it wor- it's worked for him. So yeah, that's... 17:43 Positivity really, if you can look at the world like that, it really pays off, I think, and, and people can, people get energized by it. Here, here's the other thing. You wanna live longer? 17:53 Positive people having an optimistic attitude, I think it's either seven or eight years you live longer than a pessimistic person. So you wanna add seven, eight years to your life? Be positive, be optimistic. 18:05 I mean, that's, that's a game changer there. Uh, let's talk about, a little bit about old Jeff. You were in the, uh, the corporate world, and at some point you weren't any longer. What was that change like? 18:16 Like, your, uh... How did your wife like that change? That's really what I'm trying to ask. [laughs] It was a, uh- It was a challenge. So I'd worked in corporate America, and I, I had worked virtual for many years. 18:27 We live outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. After my mom passed, my boys were, like, seven and five, and, uh, I was asked to relocate into an office in New York City or Phoenix, Arizona. My guys were playing sports. 18:41 I got roots here. My sister's 25 minutes away. My brother's 40 minutes away. My dad's 10 minutes aw- Wasn't happening. So I tried to process what, what was I gonna do next? 18:53 And I, I had that voice calling out, "You can do something on your own." So I took my wife out to, uh... Do, can you curse on this podcast, by the way? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. All right. 19:01 So [chuckles] I went, I went out to dinner with my wife, and I told her I was gonna open up a gym, and she said, "You're gonna fucking do what?" And, uh, I built a business plan, and I did it, but you know what? 19:13 That was a colossal failure, right? Uh, three and a half years, ended up not doing the things I... 'Cause, 'cause I wasn't, I wasn't the person that was able to sustain that growth and be on my toes. 19:26 I'd have a great day at the gym or two days of selling services, and Clay, I'd take three weeks of not doing anything, right? Um, so I was in that same pattern. 19:37 And then, you know, through COVID, uh, actually before COVID, the, the gym wasn't doing well. I, I, I chose the easy way out and tried to gamble my way back, and next thing you know, ended up $100,000 in debt, 19:50 100K out of my retirement fund, and, and near bankruptcy. So, um, she was supportive, but then, you know, I k- I kind of did some s-shit that I shouldn't have done. 20:00 And, you know, there were times where I was in the guest room and wondering if, if, you know, we were gonna make it as a family, what we were gonna... I- it was a, it was a challenging time, let's just put it that way. 20:10 So entrepreneurial, that journey, you see a lot of highlight reels on social. I mean, it is a battle day in, day out. Um, and it took me really six years to get my footing. Luckily, my wife's a teacher. She has benefits. 20:27 But, you know, one day my, my oldest was like, "I wanna do what you do. You're, you're, you're, you're speaking. You're coaching." I said, "Son, just so you know, this took me six years to finally get growth. 20:39 Mom was the breadwinner. She had the benefits," right? All these things. So, um, but I will tell you, I've been... She, she asked me at one point, "Clay," she said, "It's been, like, five, five and a half, six years. 20:51 It's time. You need to get a part-time gig." And I was out in my kitchen with my old Dell laptop. The battery was dead, so I had to have it plugged in. And I got on Indeed. Well, I hadn't... 21:03 The power cord wasn't in fully, and it went dead, and I took it as a sign. I said, "I ain't... I'm never fucking going back." And then it was like hair on fire, sprinting towards the lake. I'm building The Warrior Dad. 21:15 I'm doing this. And three years in, you know, it's been, it's been an amazing journey. Yeah, I was, I was gonna ask you if, 'cause, you know, they say the easiest time to get a job is when you're not looking. 21:25 So I was wondering if you've got, you know, some corporate pull since you made that commitment to, to Warrior Dad. No. I've got... You know, once I, I... 21:34 Once the laptop went dead, and once I found my lane with The Warrior Dad, I, I haven't... I burned the boats. I'm like, "I'm all in. 21:43 I'm gonna, and I'm making this happen," and, and wrote a book and podc- and, and just con- And, and the other piece, Clay, 21:52 making significant impact in a man, a dad, a husband's life, where he feels it, his wife feels it, and even more imp- his kids feel it. And it's just, it's... It fills my cup. 22:06 And, and it's why people are like, "Do you ever take any time off?" And I'm like, "Rarely," because I, I, I just love what I do. Yeah. Awesome. 22:15 Yeah, ev- like, ev- I mean, that's crossed my mind many times that everything, every t... 22:19 I've been doing this for about a year, and, uh, every time I think, "Man, I really don't wanna write something today," I get an email from some guy, and he, he tells me how much what I said meant to him. 22:29 And I'm like- Oh... "Oh, man, this... Just that w- just that one email this week is enough, you know, to keep going." Yeah. I, I mean, I keep a folder. 22:36 I don't know if you do this, but I keep a folder with those emails for when you question it. Go to it, read it, and then it'll fill that tank up and be like, "All right, I'm, I'm back on the attack. I'm, I'm going." 22:47 Awesome. Uh, talk about your... You call it bookends, your morning, evening routine- Mm... essentially. Talk about that a little bit. So we, we can't control the chaos of life. And, and I mean, we are overwhelmed. 23:03 We are... We've got chronic levels of depression, obesity, debt, stress, anxiety, like, all those things, because, I mean, we're, we... In one week of our lives 23:16 right now, we have more inputs coming our way, and inputs are DMs, text messages, phone calls, email, all those things, than our ancestors a couple hundred years ago had in their entire lifetime. 23:29 So it's no wonder why we have all those epic levels of everything that, that I just mentioned. So how do we take some control back in an otherwise chaotic, uncontrollable world? 23:41 Well, we can definitely control the bookends. And the bookends, if you think of the bookends, y- you control the books if you control the bookends. So how do you wind down your day p.m.? 23:51 How do you get a great night's sleep? I mean, sleep is the bridge between despair and hope. It is a bedrock. And, and Clay, I come from a place of a reformed guy. 24:00 I used to tell my late mother when she's like, "You're burning the candle at both ends," I'm like, "Mom, I'll sleep when I'm dead." I'd be dead a lot s- That's another narrative. 24:07 I, I, I'd be dead a lot sooner, and I got a target age of living, living... I wanna live to 125. So you gotta be proactive. 24:17 Figure out when you're getting off tech, digital sunset in the p.m., getting away from food, getting away from water, so your body's ready to do what it needs to do when it's sleep. 24:26 When it sleeps, and that is repair all of your cells, your vital organs, clean out all the glunk in your mind, so that you wake up the next day, you're fresh and ready to go. 24:35 So love to give prescriptive wind down, especially everything we do on the Warrior Dad, Clay. We take the lens of, I'm gonna learn it, I'm gonna take action on it, but take action on it to be able to teach my kids. 24:47 'Cause our kids are facing those same unprecedented challenges. 24:53 We gotta, we gotta share these things with them, plant seeds for future growth with them, because it's things that they're not learning in school, and my wife's a schoolteacher, my sister-in-law is a schoolteacher. 25:02 So PM bookend, winding down, getting a great night's sleep, and then when you wake up in the morning, stacking wins right away. 25:10 And you do not hit the snooze button, 'cause that eight minutes of shitty sleep does nothing for you. And listen, I used to... 25:18 About five years ago, I hit the snooze button, and I was coaching people to not do it, and I felt like a fraud, Clay, and I was pissed at myself. But I also threw on that white lab coat, and I said, "I have an iPhone." 25:29 I said, "Why is that snooze button the biggest button on our..." 25:32 I'm like, it's literally like they're programming us to hit snooze, say this eight minutes of s- crappy sleep is more important than my hope, hopes, dreams, goals that I want to achieve. 25:42 So I uncovered you can actually turn it off. You can actually eliminate the snooze button so you just get stop. So I have never hit the snooze button again since that time, and I coach the dads to do that. 25:54 So listeners, if you're a snooze button hitter, number one, that eight minutes of sleep is not doing anything for you. 26:00 It's actually sending signals to your subconscious mind that that sleep is more important than what you wanna do in life. And if you're a habitual snooze button hitter, go into your phone, hit edit the... 26:12 and you can scroll down and turn off the button that, that w- then, then you have one choice. So AM bookend to start your day, no snooze button, uh, no checking text messages, no distractions. 26:24 That time is your time alone to stack wins, and I like to tell dads and what I coach is 1% of your morning. Just give me 1% of your day, really, 14 minutes, 24 seconds. 26:34 I mean, if you don't have 1% of your day to dedicate to getting better, y- you're just not gonna up-level your life, and you're gonna stay stuck in, stuck in a rut, stuck in the mud. 26:46 When we wake up, we get seven wins: water, movement, meditation, declare who you're gonna be in your day, connect from a love perspective with your wife and kids, make those daily deposits into the love bank account. 26:57 That's a game-changer for dads. Practice some gratitude, and learn something new. Those are the seven wins we stack in 15 minutes. When you do it one after another, 27:09 all of a sudden in the morning, it's like you're on fire. That's why I call the protocol the morning fire. It's like you got fire pumping through your veins. 27:15 I've done it, or a modified version, because perfection is a myth. If you just get three in, it still counts. I've done that, I think today was 2,968 straight days. 27:26 So eight-plus years I've done it, and I'm telling you, it's a grounding process. It gets you energized, it gets you focused, it gets you intentional and presence. And when dads adopt that program, the game changes. 27:40 Because how many are playing defense when they wake up? They're playing on their heels, and defense is exhausting. Playing, you know, my, my boys play basketball right now. 27:49 I mean, playing defense, you're in that squat, your quads burn. Life is meant to play on our toes, in attack mode. Unleash that inner warrior, and by controlling the bookends, you've got some semblance of control. 28:01 You know you're doing those things. It's amazing how the ripple effect and the downstream, it impacts every oth- other thing you do. So those, those are the bookends. That's how you control it, 28:12 and it's a, it's a game-changer. And many coaches, authors all say, like, control... You win the morning, you win your day. You win what you do first when you wake up. Jim Kwik, uh, I don't know if you know Jim Kwik. 28:25 He, he wrote the book Limitless. Fantastic book. He says the same thing. The most important time of your day is the morning. How you start it, uh, changes, changes the game and sets the tone for your day. That's good. 28:37 Yeah, that, uh... I, uh... Like you're playing defense, yeah. That's, that's what I feel like I'm doing all morning most of the time, and if I can get up... My goal is to get up at 5:30, 28:48 but, uh, you know, like you say, hit that snooze button, and then all of a sudden it's, you know, it's a defense. I'll coach, I'll coach you on it, right? I mean, so y- you hit the snooze button. 29:00 So is the phone right next to you? Oh, no. I, I, actually I took the step of getting an old-school- Okay... clock, you know, instead- Okay. Okay... 'cause I can get the phone out of the room. You know, that's- Yep... 29:09 one of the, the nighttime, uh, recommendations, you know, the evening recommendations- Mm-hmm... for sleep. So that's, yeah. I got a old-fashioned battery-powered alarm clock. But you're hitting the snooze on it? 29:20 Oh, yeah. Yeah. [chuckles] Okay. So it's right next to you on, uh, on, on the nightstand? Yes. Okay. Put it in the corner of the room. Plug it into a different thing, different outlet. 29:29 You've got to physically get out of bed. Mm-hmm. When... My a- alarm is always in the corner of the room on top of my clothes. You have to physically get... Once you hit the cold- Yeah. [chuckles]... 29:39 the odds of you going back are slim and none. So that would be my recommendation, because if it's easy, you gotta, you gotta put resistance in the process. James Clear, Atomic Habits. 29:50 If you got a bad habit of hitting snooze, you gotta make it harder to do it. 29:54 Well, if you're getting up out of bed, going over, and I would even probably put your clothes on, on top of the alarm clock, so you feel your clothes, and you're like, "Son of a gun, this means I... 30:03 That's a signal I gotta get up." Then you hit it, the odds of you climbing back into bed are, are pretty slim to, to none. 30:12 And you're so right that that eight, uh, minutes of sleep or that, between the snooze alarm, it's just... Doesn't do any good at all. It doesn't. Um, you've talked, I've heard you talk about how 30:25 quickly the time is passing with your children as they grow up. You only get 18 seasons, I think is how you said it. So do you ever feel the tension of 30:35 time's moving quickly, so I have to be present, but also I have to pack all this stuff in 'cause I wanna have all these experiences, and so it sort of almost hurts your presence, if that makes sense? Hmm. Yeah. 30:47 I, I understand what you're, you're saying. I w- I mean, my guys are 17 and 15, and I mean, the stats are by age 12, 75% of your time with your kids is gone. By age 18, 95% of the time with your kids is gone. 31:00 So, um, I'm towards that other, other end, and I don't, I don't like it particularly, but you can't stop it, so it's what, what do you choose on, on a daily basis? I will say packing things in... 31:14 Years ago, my boys played football, basketball, and baseball. We were considering, I think they were, like, seven and eight at the time or something, and they were considering... 31:25 My wife said, "Hey, what do you wanna do for, for the spring season?" They wanna play baseball, and I asked the boys, and they were like, "Eh, I don't know," you know? 31:32 And I finally came back and, and I wrote them a letter, and I read it to my wife and boys at, at dinner, and I said, "We're gonna take this season off. We're gonna... 31:41 You're gonna be able to eat ice cream until your belly hurts, chase, you know, fireflies outside. We're just gonna be a family and do something." And I think mixing those type of things in, 31:53 and I'm very proactive on, on doing that, and whether it's playing ping pong downstairs with my youngest son or, or going to the gym with my oldest, 32:02 I don't f- I don't feel the need because I control the bookends, I control my time, I control my calendar. This is my life, nobody else's. So I don't feel that need to pack, pack, pack it in, um, 32:17 because I am present on a daily basis, and I think if you're not present, you're probably gonna feel that need to pack it in because you're over, 32:26 you know, course-correcting for that lack of intentionality and lack of presence. So that's kind of how I, I speak to it. Um, and controlling the bookends and making daily deposits into that, that love bank account. 32:38 So my, my late mother was probably the biggest Post-it Note fan known to, to world. She had every different color. So one of our, the things we do daily as stacking our wins is we write notes to our kids and our wives 32:52 every single day, and it just creates... And, and we do it because we're just making daily deposits in that love bank account. It's not because we want it back. Does it come back? Yeah, most of the times it does. 33:04 But imagine that message we're sending to our kids and our wives when every day they get up and there's a... You know, I put them in envelopes, put it outside their doors. There's a note from their dad or their husband. 33:15 Maybe it's just, "I'm so proud of you. I'm so grateful for you. I love you. I'm always here to support you." Or it's, you know, a motivational quote or just a little lesson that they can learn and apply. 33:26 So, um, being that present, intentional dad, I think then it releases that pressure valve of, oh, I need to experience everything. I need to do everything. I need to be in every sport. I need to keep up with the Joneses. 33:38 No, you don't. So that's how I answer that one. Yeah. And it, it reminds me of, you know, when you go on vacation, uh, you know, like my... Well, at least I s- with my kids, like, uh, we plan all this stuff. 33:52 We're gonna go to the beach. We're gonna go to... I live, you know, in Texas. We're gonna go to, to Houston and go to the, uh, NASA and all this sort of stuff. Mm-hmm. 34:00 And then we ask the kids afterwards, like, "What was the fav- what was your favorite part of vacation?" It's like, "The swimming pool." Yeah. Being together. It doesn't... Yeah. Just doing... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 34:07 It doesn't need to be that complex, and, and sometimes s- at home, you know, I, uh, sometimes I remind myself that all my son really wants me to do is sit down beside him while he watches a goofy YouTube video about cooking. 34:20 You know? Yeah. Yeah. It, it doesn't have to be some amazing thing every time. 34:24 Yeah, and one of the things, and I- I'll provide this value to, to you and your audience is, and I teach this in the, in the "Worried Dad" book and, and in my programs, this concept of answer every bid. 34:37 When your kids ask to do something, they are asking for your attention. That is the number one thing you can give from a love perspective to them. 34:48 So when they ask you, say yes every damn time, especially when you don't feel like it, because... 34:55 And I, I had heard this story of, of a dad, um, through a, a, a fellow coach who, he had a daughter, and his daughter asked him, "Hey, can we go to see Taylor Swift?" 35:07 And he hated Taylor Swift, and he said, "No, I will never go to that concert." And the coach said to the dad, "You, you, you lost. 35:14 She, she might never ask you again to do anything 'cause she's interested in it, and you crushed her." So the emails can wait. The social media scrolling can wait. If they ask you, say yes. 35:27 And then here's the other piece, Clay. Afterwards, make sure you say, "Hey, I loved doing that with you, and thank you for asking me." 'Cause then, like I said, then as teenagers, 35:39 they're gonna ask you to do those things. "Hey, Dad, you wanna play ping pong?" "Heck yeah, bud." "Dad, you wanna go to the gym?" "Heck yeah." "Dad, can we throw the football?" "Heck yeah." 35:48 Then, then that creates deep, deep bonds that are just gonna, just gonna last a lifetime. So I, I love that. [chuckles] Yeah. Um, your mom passed away, what, 11 years ago now? Is that what- Yep... 11, 12? 36:04 Little, little over 11 years ago. It was, uh, late December. Yep, 11 years ago. And so essentially, she's inspired you to become this different person that your dad gets to see. So does he ever... 36:18 I'm sure he's noticed this change. Does he ever tell you, you know, your, your mom would be proud of you? Uh, he has. He has before. 36:25 My, my sister, uh, who was closest to, to my mom says that for, for sure, and I've had others. Uh, Clay, she was a reading teacher, and, uh- 36:36 I know she's looking down and saying, "You son of a bitch, you published two books when I wasn't before-- after I had passed," 'cause she would've... I wouldn't need m- I wouldn't need marketing. 36:47 I wouldn't even need to market it myself. She would be out there thumping and doing stuff. So I know she's proud of that, that fact. And, you know, it's amazing when you, when you look for signs for things. 37:00 Um, she used to give lucky pennies to everybody. I, I'll find one from time to time, or cardinal was her favorite bird, and I'll see it flying and just say, "Hey, Mom, I, I gotcha," right? 37:11 Um, so he has said that, and, you know, the other cool thing is with me evolving as a human being, new version of myself and the growth and, and how do we be the best version, 37:23 it not only goes down the family tree, Clay, I've also taught my dad things and push him as well. 37:30 And, and he's read books and, you know, done different things that he's never, never done before because that's the impact that one person living and actualizing their potential can have. That's the impact. 37:45 You can have it down the tree and up the tree, all over the place. So, um, yeah, he, he has told me that, that she'd be proud and, and I've heard that from others as, uh, as well. That's great. 37:56 Uh, so, so does your dad count as one of the, uh, million men you're trying to, to help? Uh, I mean, he's got a bracelet and stuff. [chuckles] I, I, I, I would say no because that's, [chuckles] 38:08 uh, that's probably a, an, an easy one. Um, and I'm, you know, I'm gonna blow, blow past that number, but, uh, you know, he, he, he is, uh... 38:17 It is a definite and interesting dynamic now that I'm in this growth because I will share things and, and he wants to live as h- as long as he can. He'll be 80 in, in August, and he still 38:28 drives a fire truck in the volunteer fire department and, and he's done that for 45 years, right? And, and he passes the physical fitness test, and he works out with me a couple times a week. And I... 38:39 You know, he'll complain, and I'm like, "Are you gonna spend all your energy complaining, or are you actually gonna do it," right? It's those, those type of things. So I can tell that, uh, you read a lot. Mm-hmm. 38:51 So I'm wondering, did you read a lot before all this? I did not. And literally growing up, my mom is a reading teacher. She was trying to get me to read, and I just... I didn't, I didn't like it. 39:01 I was into sports and girls. And, uh, unless it was sports and literature, uh, which I, you know, read in, in high school or had the class in high school and read a little bit, I didn't. 39:12 Um, now, I mean, I have multiple books. I have multiple audiobooks I listen to, and 39:19 I'm encouraging my guys to do it more because I know success leaves clues and leaves breadcrumbs, and you can read a book, and it can absolutely change, change your life. 39:30 And I've had dads who have read "The Warrior Dad" book and, and reach out to me and jump into my experience and are just like, "Holy crap, the impact it's having." 39:38 So, um, there is just such knowledge and wisdom and, you know, I harp on the phones a lot for being a distraction, but I mean, you can listen to audio. 39:47 I, I don't listen to the radio really because I listen to audiobooks or podcasts when I'm driving in my truck or going for a run because those are times where you can just get ahead of the competition. 39:59 That's a slight edge that you can just, you can just exponentially get better 40:04 than the majority in life when you're, you're feeding your mind with good, positive things and learning and, uh, and it's gonna keep you fresh and, and on your toes and especially as the, I like to say, the tip of the spear for your family as a dad, as that leader. 40:18 Being able to share things with your kids, they're, they're gonna be so much more ahead of the competition. And, and let's not bullshit about it, Clay. Life is a fight. It's a competition. You gotta compete. 40:30 You gotta attack, so why not pay it forward to that, that next generation? Well, uh, even if you don't feel like you're battling other people, you're battling yourself. Everything's constantly changing. 40:42 Every cell in your body, everything in the universe is constantly changing. So I like to say you can either, and, and I learned this from my coach, plus one or minus one the day. There is no staying the same. 40:53 And if you think about that difference between plus one and minus one, the quo- the quotient, the difference is two. Mm. You're not getting better. 41:01 You're falling behind by two every day, and that's pretty, just, you know, a powerful question to ground and say, "Man, am I getting a plus one or minus one today?" 41:09 'Cause a lot of people just say, "I'm not gonna do anything. I'm gonna stay the same." You're not staying the same. You're getting worse. 41:16 It's funny you're talking about your mom's a, a reading teacher, and you didn't read. Um, my mom ha- essentially had, or has, still does, a, a, a room of the house that's essentially a library. 41:28 Just f- it's just full of book... I mean, there are literally bookshelves to the, to the ceiling. And I didn't read a book I wasn't forced to read, uh, really until recently. But as part of a job I had 41:43 six or seven years ago, you had to actually read books and give, uh, book reports. Okay. And the owner was, he was really into growth. Mm. And so there, and, and like the first book I read was the, uh, "The Energy Bus." 41:58 Oh, John Gordon. Yeah. Love it. I got it back on the shelf right there. [chuckles] I gave it to my dad. Yep. And so that was, that was really, really inspired me to start reading, and that's... 42:07 They're, like, they're all sort of mindset growth books. And, uh, while I was there, I ended up reading six or eight books and reading... You know, I was, I would read books... You're only supposed to read one a quarter. 42:20 Mm. I'd, I'd be so far ahead, I'd have books wr- you know, I'd have reports written for years I hadn't got to yet. There you go. Love it. And so I, I really... 42:29 I listen, I only listen to audiobooks 'cause, [chuckles] just... And, uh, appreciate you, uh, you're recording "The Warrior Dad" audiobook, right? Did I see that? I am. I am. I am. 42:38 I've, uh- I've got 25 chapters in the book. I'm through chapter 19, so I got, uh, a session upcoming this Thursday and then some edits, and we're, we're getting close there. So, uh, excited for that for sure. 42:49 Yes, I'm, I'm excited to read or to, to listen to that. There you go. Uh, so speaking of, what book are you reading now? Um, I have, uh, a book about Sam Walton at Walmart that I'm, uh, that I'm reading. 43:04 Um, and then I've got on deck "The Everything Store: The Story of Jeff Bezos." And then after that, I just got a book from, uh, [lip smacks] uh, Benjamin Hardy. Uh, it's "The Science of Scaling." 43:18 So I mix like personal development with entrepreneurship and then into growth and, and kind of business. Those are kind of the, the ones I, I oscillate back and back and forth on. 43:32 Yeah, I'm alwa- I always like a good, uh, reading list, you know- Yeah... to go to and see what I would think I would like and- And I, I will tell you, I'm, I'm reading or listening to "Titan: The Story of John D. 43:42 Rockefeller" on Audible. I mean, you, you mentioned you're an audiobook guy. I almost didn't get it because it's 35 hours long. Oh. So it is the longest audiobook I've ever done. 43:55 I've, I've got 21 hours left, so I'm almost halfway there. But, uh, you know, it, it... I, I love Success Leaves Clues, like I said, and being able to listen and hear history and see what other people do. 44:07 It, it's only going to build that mindset and, and spark ideas and, and, uh, you know, curiosity and, and, uh, creativity in your mind. Where does reading fit in your day? I mean, how often, how long do you read? 44:20 When do you read? Uh, I read a little bit in the morning, uh, as part of my, my morning fire routine, and then typically at night I will, uh, I will make sure that I'm, I'm reading. Um, got the book out, highlighters. 44:32 Uh, you know, I, I highlight the heck out of my books and take notes on them. And, uh, you know, that's the other thing I will tell people listening. If you read a book that sucks, stop reading it. 44:43 [chuckles] Like, you don't need to finish it. Right. And I, I, I had a, had a book that I was reading and it... The, the, the font was just too low, too, too small, and it was... I mean, it was so deep in it. 44:55 I, I was just like, "I'm, I'm not reading this thing." Um, but on the same side, if you read a good book, like "The Energy Bus" I've read multiple times, read it multiple times because you will find 45:07 new nuggets, gold in that book because you're in a different place in your life. So those are, those are a couple kind of guiding principles I, I live by with, with regards to books. 45:19 And yeah, what I like to do is, uh, like I said, if I'll listen, I'll listen to, to audiobooks, and if it re- if I really like it, I really think it's, you know, high value, I'll just... 45:29 I'll order, you know, a used copy from Amazon. Mm. Gotcha. Yep. And then I'll go through, like you said, and, and kind of read it again now that I'm... I kind of skim through it a little more and highlight- Mm-hmm... 45:37 the parts that are really powerful and, and meaningful to me, and that way I have it as a reference essentially. There you go. Love it. So what is the first step that you would recommend for a guy who feels kind of stuck 45:55 in his life now and maybe kind of at that point that you were at and, you know, where you know that itch in the back of your neck is, is there and you're ready to make a move and- I, I would say getting a coach, mentor, 46:11 getting somebody that's, that's done it or, or can help solve a challenge that you might have. I mean, Clay, in my now nine years since leaving corporate America, I mean, I've, I've probably spent north of 46:29 80, $90,000 on coaches. Um, now you can try and figure it out on your own, but man, I, I like to, to say [chuckles] figuring out on your own is, is going from LA to New York, and here are your two options. 46:43 You can figure it out on your own, which is gonna be, you're gonna be taking a unicycle with no map from LA to New York, see if you can get there. 46:51 Or if you hire a mentor, coach, or somebody who's done it before, you walk on a private tarmac, get on the private jet, and you're there in three hours. So you can... 46:59 The investment is for speed and a battle-tested system. So, you know, could you dabble around and go on YouTube and search things? Yeah, ab- ab- absolutely could. But... 47:12 And coaches, mentors could be books as well, right? It doesn't have to be, you know, someone like, someone like me. It could be "The War Dad" book, whatever it is. But you gotta, you gotta find out 47:22 and figure out who's been where you are and how'd they get out of that pit or that rut, and then, then follow their, their plan, follow their ro- their roadmap, and follow their systems and execute on them and, and take action. 47:35 I think too many times, especially now in, in today's world, Clay, we have so many inputs. We're learning so much. We're, we're librarians of the mind, not warriors of the mind. 47:45 Librarians of the mind are cataloging everything they learn. Guys come to me because I'm a warrior of the mind. 47:51 I give them one thing to think about daily, take action on it, and move, and then all of a sudden they figure things, figure things out. So that's what I would say somebody, somebody in a rut, somebody stuck, 48:02 find somebody to talk to, find somebody that's playing at a different level. I mean, my, my door's always open. 48:08 I l- I love having conversations because they'll, they'll feel my energy and they'll be like, "Holy crap," like, "Let's, let's go." And, and you wanna be around people like that because 48:17 if you're not, it's gonna be a, it's gonna be a heck of... it's gonna be a battle to try and get there. Well, you know, Clay, when you come in contact with a positive force, the energy bus, right? Energy... 48:27 You got energy vampires. They'll suck the energy out of you. Walk out of the conversation, you'll, you'll be like, "I don't want to do anything today." 48:33 Where on the flip side, if, if you have a conversation with me, it's like we're, we're busting out of the tunnel like a sports team, right? To take on the world, and it's like, "Yeah, let's go." So, um- 48:45 Investing in yourself, investing in coaches, mentors, books, taking action, I mean, that's, that's the way to, uh, to go And there's just something about someone other than, you know, your wife calling your bullshit. 49:01 100%. Yeah, that's makes a huge difference when, you know, you don't have that emotional attachment to the person calling, calling your bullshit that, that, uh, really can motivate you. 49:11 And, and I would say, you know, that, I mean, it's true, men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Like, why, why do I coach dads? 'Cause I'm a dad, 49:19 and, and I'm experiencing, I'm going through the same shit you guys are going through. And that is another thing 49:25 of why I think The Worried Dad is, is so successful, is because we do it in a brotherhood, we do it in cohorts, classes, and the experience. 49:33 And Clay, I hear it all the time from dads that, you know, week one, they hear from other dad going through a struggle, and they're like, "Holy shit, I'm not alone." You are not alone. 49:44 But we have this lone wolf mentality as men that we can, you know, rub some dirt on it and figure it out. There's no self-made man. Everybody has had help. 49:53 I like to say, if I teed up a gr- golf ball here and hit a driver, and I'm a pretty shitty golfer, I'd hit 10 houses in my neighborhood of dads going through the same stuff that you're going through. 50:02 It's that six inches in between our ears that, Clay, you battle, I battle, everybody battles. But getting around others and, and being in a 50:11 brotherhood of growth-focused dads, oof, it, it is a, uh, it is a recipe for success and growth and being that best version of yourself and, and really truly leading your family from the front. 50:23 Yeah, if there's, if there's one, like, thing, common theme I can tell you from the emails that I get, it's guys that are s- are surprised. They think they're only ones going through whatever they're going through. 50:36 And I'm like, I, I, I'm like, "Dude, I can tell you, I got three emails from guys, you know, this month talking about what you're going through," and essentially saying the same thing. 50:46 They thought they were the only ones going through it. Yeah. 50:49 I mean, I, I wrote my book, and in the, in the first pa- I share my gambling story about having $30,000 on college football games, and one of my clients read the book, and we had been working together for a year, and he's like, "Holy shit, I did the same thing." 51:02 And it's like, what? You know? It's so, so it is true. We're, we're, we're all battling something. 51:08 When we can have an, that vulnerability, and we can talk about real shit, just not the weather and how our teams are, you know, the team, teams are doing, then we actually get great conversations, and we can support each other through true brotherhood, not the ball-busting kind of bro code of like, "Why are you doing that?" 51:25 Or no, it's like, "Yeah, let's go, let's go change the world together." I mean, that's so much more positive and inspiring than, than the other side. 51:34 It's funny, like, you know, in social situations, I am not a particularly comfortable person, but you get to s- in front of someone talking about, you know, growth and reading and, you know, not the weather- Mm-hmm... 51:47 and I'm really comfortable in those conversations, you know? It's just- Gotcha... 51:50 like meaningful con- that's what I wanna have is a meaningful conversation, not ma- not conversations about, you know, whether or not Anthony Davis should've been traded, you know? [laughs] Yeah, right. Right. Yep. 52:02 So I like, I like that. That's, I think that's what men, most men crave. They don't, they don't wanna talk about... I mean, everybody... They wanna talk about deep conversations about things going on in their lives. 52:11 They do, but that's where ego gets in because they don't wanna admit they don't have all their shit figured out. Well, newsflash, nobody does. So if you talk about it and, and listen, I've, 52:23 I've had buddies that I've known since I was five years old, so 45 years, who have read my book and said, "Holy shit, dude, you had some balls putting that stuff in there and being vulnerable." 52:34 And I'm like, "I did it because I wanted to set the example and hopefully impact you and, and be real of what I've gone through, and, and hopefully that gives you the, the courage to say, 'You know what? 52:46 I can do it too.'" Um, yeah. That, uh... Man, uh, you told me the gambling story. Uh, 52:57 h- you, and then you're writing, you had to come clean to your, to your family and all that with all this stuff you wrote in your book, right, before you, uh- Yeah... put it out there to the world. 53:05 So I, I was on the precipice of bankruptcy, so I had to share that with my wife, and, and that was, uh, a very challenging time in, in our lives. Um, got through it. 53:18 But then, yeah, last, uh, February, before it was, uh, released, I had to sit m- sit my boys who were- Yeah... gosh, what were they then? 16 and 14, um, down at the kitchen table and talk about it. And it was, um, 53:33 it was challenging for me to come clean. They both said, "Holy crap, Dad," like, "We had no idea." Um, but it, it was also a powerful lesson to share with them. 53:44 Like that, you know, some kids that they know are, are on FanDuel and gambling and doing stuff, and I'm like, "Guys, those sites don't lose money. They're on every single sports game. 53:58 So just know that if you fall in that pit and get lured in like I did, it, it's not a, not a pleasant road." So, um, and but, but being vulnerable and sharing real stuff with my guys has, I think, also increased 54:13 my connection with them. They know Dad's real. They know Dad's gonna tell them the good, bad, and sometimes the ugly versus, you know, my dad, we didn't really talk about that stuff growing up, right? 54:28 And, and that's even changing the family tree there, where we, we talk about real shit. And I know on my wife's side, like, I think her mom got sick or something, and they didn't even tell her. 54:41 You know, they just kind of swept it under the rug and moved on, where she's like, "Holy crap, really?" 54:46 So, um, being vulnerable, being open to, you know, sharing the good, the bad, the ugly with your kids- That's gonna help them learn and be adaptable and resilient in what they're gonna face, 'cause they're g- they're gonna screw up, and they're gonna go through challenging times. 55:00 So why not when, when they're in those 18 years in your house, share some of those stories? Share, share the journey with them and, and be real and raw and, and vulnerable. So yeah, I w- I... In a, in an earlier, uh, 55:15 uh, in an interview I did last, last year, I told this story about how, like, me and my best friend growing up, like, we had this idea that once you became a dad, you suddenly had all of this, this knowledge about everything. 55:30 Mm. Okay. And suddenly you could change a tire, and you could put up drywall, and you knew how to do your finances. Mm-hmm. 55:36 And then of course I became a dad, and I was like, "Holy shit, my dad was just making this up the whole time." He had to be scared to death. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And so that's got... What I always tell... 55:48 Like, anytime, you know, at the end of a podcast they're like, "Can you leave the listeners with something?" I always say, most people have no idea what they're doing, and they're doing pretty good. Mm-hmm. You know? 55:59 So it's okay that you don't know what you're doing, but if you try to learn, you're gonna be ahead of most guys. 56:05 Oh, uh, I would say yes, 99.999% of guys, and that's really why I wrote the Warrior Dad book, was not only to share stories, but share the system with other dads. Because 56:20 if you asked 100 dads, "Hey, how many books have you read to be a better dad?" versus, "How many books have you read, read to earn more money or be better at a job?" 90, 95 will say, "Well, I've always... 56:32 I've read books about being better career, better finances." Maybe five have read a book about being a better dad, where we gotta, guys, wake the fuck up. We got our priorities wrong. 56:45 It should be 95 to be a better dad and five to provide and career and that stuff, because that's truly what... Hey, if you chose to be a dad, that's your duty. They, our kids didn't pick us. 56:56 We gotta lead, and we gotta be, be better from that perspective. Awesome. I love that. Um, so tell everybody how they can get ahold of you. Go to your, uh, you know, The Warrior Dad, all that kind of stuff, and... Yeah. 57:12 So if they wanna grab a time, go out to the, T-H-E, warriordad.com. They can, they can book a time on my schedule. Just love talking. Hey, first, first call is just, "Hey, do I like Clay? And does Clay like me? 57:26 Is there a fit?" If there isn't, man, I'm gonna tell you. If there is, I'm gonna, you know, share what, what that looks like. If you wanna get the book, the Warrior Dad book is out on Amazon, so you can grab it there. 57:37 It will be out on Audible, uh, you know, in the, in the near future. And then on socials, I'm on Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok are my major ones. 57:46 I also drop a decent amount of content out on YouTube, so just search The Warrior Dad out on YouTube, subscribe to the channel. I drop some daily videos in there and some longer videos from, from time to time. 57:56 And, uh, yeah, that's where you can, uh, where you can find me. Oh, you're on TikTok? I am. Man. I am. Man, that is- I am... that is a landscape I want nothing to do with right now. [laughs] I know, I know. 58:07 I didn't want to. Um, and you know what? I'm a, I'm a creator, I'm not a consumer. 58:15 So I, I create and put it on there, and my boys laugh 'cause it's on there, you know, but, um, I have been able to, you know, build an audience and, and reach, reach some dads and get them, you know, the, a f- first free chapter of the book, and then they grab the book, and, and they're changing their lives. 58:29 So, um, yeah, social media is a, uh, unfortunately, a necessary evil to, to build because that's where everybody's attention is. Um, but I do it not to sensationalize or polarize. 58:42 I do it to put out good content and positive content and have an impact on, on others. So yep. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you have to go where the people who need your message are. That's just- Yep, 100%... how it works. Yep. 58:55 And, uh, like I said, I, I'm really looking forward to the audiobook, so I appreciate you doing that. Yeah, you got it. All right. And, uh, so great conversation. 59:04 I really appreciate you, uh, you know, s- uh, hitting me back on the, on Ins- on Instagram and- Yeah, you got it... and setting this up. All right. Loved it. All right, man. Uh, 59:14 like I said, really appreciate it, and, uh, we'll talk to you some- sometime soon. Awesome, Clay. Appreciate it. All right. Thanks. See ya. Bye.
